Family Matters

I’ve always felt lucky to have my particular family to love.  That feeling of good fortune has gotten me through some tough times throughout my life, even though I haven’t seen most of my family for two and a half years. So now, that protective veneer has worn thin lately because we’re so far apart geographically and there’ve been so many obstacles put in place regarding travel. Our lives have shrunk down to bare bones.  So in the interim I study my assortment of framed photos around the place and stare lovingly at the images of my parents when they were young and hopeful and I talk to them regularly in my head as if they’re still alive. Perhaps this has helped me get through this current crisis the world is in without falling apart. But mostly it makes me feel their presence in my life now and that bolsters my innate feelings of joy to be alive myself.

One of my sisters was my junior mother and she still is. My other sister and I played more and had more battles over everything. She usually won because she was as tall as a tree in my eyes. But both of them love me and cared so much about me all of my life. In some families that’s a rare commodity. But I feel their love across the oceans of time and distance and when life opens up a little more, we will go for a nice long visit.

My parents moved from the east coast and resettled on the west coast in sunny California for the myriad opportunities offered. They couldn’t afford to come together so my mother and eldest sister, Joan, came ahead and stayed with my grandmother in Santa Monica, until my dad could join them. Just purchasing a bus ticket was enough to diminish most of his funds saved so he barely had food for the few days it took to cross the country. By the time I was born a few years later he was well on his way to secure our future and ready to branch out a few years after that into his own business. I never knew of the hardships they encountered, being the last baby, born on my mom’s birthday, and cosseted like a princess.

That love I got from being in my family has gotten me through most of my trials. But being so far away I feel the urge to plug into my roots, even though it’s just temporary for now. New Zealand has unexpectedly captured my heart even though I’m not from here and I’ve stayed for 27 years so far. That’s a very long time to be away from home or homeland and two of my sons and three of my grandsons and now a great grandson are also waiting for me to come back to stay with them. That means leaving my two other children here (who are also on another island) and my grandson (who I haven’t seen in a year) but that will sort itself out in time. I feel guilty as if I could do anything about this current crisis we’re living through, but still feel I’ve shortchanged my American relatives. It couldn’t be helped of course but it still wears on me as a mother and grandmother. And then there are many nieces and nephews that I miss too, along with all of their children to consider also. We’re going to be one popular couple when we arrive, whenever that is.

Strangely though, I feel their presence already. With video calls via the computers we keep up with some of them. Then of course there’s always messaging on different platforms, emails and the like. But overall it will be a very emotional homecoming to be back where I lived for most of my life with most of my loved ones around me.

I can hardly wait.