I’ve been sick for the last few days and totally uninterested in writing
much of anything. But every day I start out thinking that today’s the
day I will take a bath and wash my hair, which has been hiding under my
wooly hat in the same way I’ve been hiding under my bathrobe.
Well today I felt better about the world and about taking that bath.
I
know I will be able to do the chores both inside and out that have been
bothering me for days. I will pick up those pots outside on the rustic
table that the chickens keep knocking over and I will really sweep the
pathways of the remains of leaves and dirt that the chickens and nature
distribute on the ground with distressing regularity. And as I
approached the door to my cherished bathtub where I could picture myself
lounging in for a few delightful moments
I saw in the mirror, not
yet clouded by the steam, I saw that my cotton tee shirt that I’ve worn
for days in a row, was not only inside out but back to front. Jeepers.
The
good news is that I wore a zippered and hooded sweatshirt over that
which makes my striped flannel jammy bottoms look like an outfit if I
throw on my largest pair of sweat pants over them, which I didn’t since I
felt too lousy. But since I hardly ventured outside it didn’t make much
difference if I threw some trash out in the recycling bag or swept some
of the debris outside the front door wearing that get-up with or
without my sweat pants No one to see me but my old man. My old mate is
used to me staying in my nightwear when I feel ill, especially in cold
weather, although I did put on a speck of makeup and combed my hair
somewhat every day so he didn’t think he’d actually married a complete
hag who didn’t have any redeeming attractiveness.
But when I saw
that my top that I wear with those cute bottoms was on like a crazy
person would do it, I had a good laugh at myself, remembering how hard
it was for me to put it on in that dark bedroom the night I got sick, so
I forgave myself for being human.
This would have never happened to
me in the past since I’ve been an avid perfectionist all my life,
always striving to do my best and at the very least keeping up
appearances. But after living through the last 4 years of the world gone
mad, it’s a
miracle that I am still functioning at all with any iota of decorum
considering all of the stress and worry many of us are barely getting
through. So, rather than beat myself up for not noticing my mistake, as I
might have done in my previous life, I know that this is just not worth
the effort. My focus and thoughts are on higher, more important matters
that really mean something. And the wisdom I’ve gleaned over all of my
years of being alive is finally showing itself at long last. My sister’s
death surely brought my attention to what’s truly significant and it
ain’t which way I put my jams on when I’m feeling awful.
Let’s
face it. The world has been inside out and back to front too. That
takes precedence over my wardrobe mishaps. End of personal revelation.